After watching Captain America this weekend, I was finally rewarded with a preview for the Avengers, the Marvel Comic movie of the future. And I must admit, they’ve done a fine job of weaving together the story lines to set the basis for the conglomerated product.
While I am not familiar with Marvel to the requisite extent to criticize with impunity, I do wonder what they will do for a villain. Of course, with multiple superheros, don’t you think they need multiple enemies? Perhaps they will, and those enemies will likely be woven together from the coherent Marvel universe if they do have multiples. However, wouldn’t it be even more fun to round together completely unrelated villains to oppose the Avengers??? Well, guess what, I’ve done it for you. The Rza’s compilation of villains, the Revengers, is as follows:
1. Khan Noonien Singh
I would be remiss to leave out this individual. Khan is intelligent, Shakespearean-esque, and downright revenge thirsty. I envision him as the leader of the pack, the planner and goal-developer. He would define the illicit goals of the group.
2. Captain Ahab
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been legless, or what kind of ship you drive, as long as your heart is as black as burnt whale oil. Of course, Khan would have to make parallels to his own situation in order to convince the old Cap’ to join the crew. Supposing of course that Moby Dick was somehow involved, this wouldn’t be difficult. Perhaps one of the goals would be the ultimate repeal of all known anti-whaling treaties? In any case, Ahab has potential, especially after asking his crew to donate blood so they could forge new whaling spears. Creepy.
3. Uncle Scar
Okay, I know the problems associated with talking animals, but bear this one out with me. What we’re looking for is crazy and treasonous, and Scar fits the bill in both aspects. He was crazy to get hyenas in on the gig, and extremely treasonous to shove all of his species off to the side so he could take the stone throne. Moreover, he has an intense effect on the children. In some sense, he was better equipped than Khan, although I think that Scar would be more than willing to learn from the master. Another reason Scar is so good at villainy is his extreme disregard for family relationships. And wacko facial expressions.
4. Miranda Frost, Bond Girl
So, we have to have a girl in the mix, otherwise it would upset someone, and in general it makes for a better story. You just better be glad I didn’t pick the runner up.
Miranda makes the cut because she is not a one-dimensional instinctual creature. She has brains and the assertive attitude to follow through. Most importantly, the group needs someone with direct skill in combat, and Frost has experience with guns, swords, and probably giant sun-mirror orbiting satellites. Most importantly, she simply doesn’t care about anything except winning. She cheated the Olympics, and (ironically) she cheated Bond. And, as her name adequately suggests, she has a frozen heart that nothing can melt. Perfect.
Just to tick off the Harry Potter fans, I am naming Voldemort by name. Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort. Nothing you can do guys. Voldemort.
Anyhow, as much as I don’t like to admit it, Voldemort is a pretty good annoying character for the group. And he’s got some magic up his sleeve, or his truncated nose (BTW, does he ever sneeze?). The main advantage he has is the frustrating property of NOT DYING ENOUGH. He seriously comes back multiple times. And that would be extremely annoying for any superhero. Every time, you’d have to kill the man who’s already dead. Not only that, but come up with new ways to do it each time. At least you could make fun of his face.
I see V as the final villain of the pack, but almost in a turnable Darth Vader kind of way. You know the concept of an anti-hero, the good guy who isn’t really uncorrupted, but still stands for something? I see V as the anti-villain. He is angry, and he has purpose, perhaps the most stable of the group, but assaulted by a society that is, in itself, evil. His retributive characteristics enable him to be one of the active “hammers” of the set, familiar with knife play, explosives, and shrouded in an air of mystery. I think his presence would round out the Revengers with just enough perplexity to make it interesting.