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Southern Small Talk | Dupyshon

Southern Small Talk

In the South, “the weather” is not the go-to topic for chitchat. I was suprised to learn this just a couple of weeks ago. No, sunshine and precipitation take a back seat to good ol’ guns and ammo.

According to my limited experience, at least, handguns are the focus of 95% of all idle conversation in the South. The subtopics, listed in order of popularity, are as follows:

  1. Arsenal – What you’ve owned, past and preset.
  2. Concealability – A good handgun is easy to hide in your waistband or pocket.
  3. Clip Capacity – The number of rounds is a major factory in the “stopping power” of a given firearm.
  4. Number of Parts – The fewer the better. A good handgun is easy to take apart, clean, and reassemble.

Since all of my own experience with firearms came from the BB gun range at middle school summer camp, you can probably imagine that Southerners don’t consider me a brilliant conversationalist.

In the paraphrased words of Theodore Roosevelt,

Speak softly with a Southern drawl, and pack heat.

TTFN, Crookback Joe.

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